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samanthavg

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one day at a time

A little foolish

Maybe I’m foolish for still feeling my heart sink a little when I see old pictures of us. I know it’s been months and I’ve finally moved on and let go of our failed fairytale, but I still find it hard to go and delete all those pictures off my social media.

This new guy is amazing and I know even you’d think he’s a great guy, but in certain aspects he will never be you, he will never know what it’s like to hold me while telling me his body is slowly shutting down. He will never push me away because his past will never disappear.

You were wonderful and I’ll always have a small place for you in my heart, but I cannot have you in my future.

So yes maybe I am foolish for feeling sad over pictures, but my heart is finally mended and able to love again.

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What do you gain?

Why do guys now a day, gain from telling a girl who they don’t know at all that they have a nice rack?

Do you really believe that’s something all girls like to hear? How would you feel if some random dude was telling your mom, or sister or even your future daughter the same thing. Would you be mad? Would you get up your seat to go teach that boy some respect towards women?

Don’t be that guy who makes women feel like they’re nothing more than a walking sexual object. We are more than just a pair of boobs, more than a big butt, and more than just something that get your blood pumping. We are the women who will help you reach your goals, who will one day carry your child.

So please quit making us just a sexual object that you like to stalk from time to time on social media. Be part of the generation that teaches girls that they are worth so much more than just a few nice words here and there from guys. Give those girls the value that they deserve.

A silent suffering

Here’s a thing that people who don’t suffer from anxiety don’t understand, no matter how hard we try we can’t always help it.

We didn’t ask to have triggers that go off at any given moment.

Although I’ve been good with controlling my triggers, my fear of thunderstorms will never be easy, and being in a city that’s being destroyed by a hurricane is an absolute nightmare.

yet this guy has managed to help me stay calm. To check up on me every few hours. To set an alarm every hour every time I take a nap to make sure my anxiety stays low.

Thank you for being such a wonderful boyfriend! You mean the most to me ❤️

Is it wrong?

Does it make you a doubtful person to look back at your boyfriends message from before y’all started dating and see how he was with other girls?

I know it really shouldn’t matter, but as I sit here in bed wishing I hadn’t looked at his phone I can’t help but feel scared yet again.

I am my own worst thoughts

My own thoughts about why things between us can’t be fixed keep me up at night, I find myself looking at my phone every few seconds hoping that maybe you’ll stop playing this game and choose to be with me once again.

We made this deal to just be friends, but can someone actually stay just friends with someone they once loved and still love? some day will I be able to look at you and not want to kiss you or look at you like some love strucked teen?

How I wish i could just rip you out of my heart and out of my thoughts.

I am my own worst enemy

I’m sure i’m not the only one who can relate to the title on my blog today, but has anyone ever wondered  why we’re like that?

Why do we always bring ourselves down in the most harsh ways possible?

Why do we think we’re not good enough to deserve better?

It could be that we feel that we don’t deserve more than what we already have due to the fact that no one likes it when people think they’re better than everyone else. In my own opinion i hate to wonder of what others might think of how i am as a person. Am i mean? Do i seem like a selfish person? Have i ever inspired others to want to be a better person? or to motivate them to better their own life?

Barely there

It’s only Monday afternoon and yet  i already find myself wanting to stay hidden under my bedroom covers.  Just the thinking about what workouts ill be doing tonight makes me want to hide in my closet and to somehow find a magical door that takes me into a whole new dimension.  I feel like my mind is batelling a million deamons all at once, my soul feels heave and gray.

I find myself looking into the bathroom mirror and practicing how to smile enought to avoid being asked if im ok? Hmm that seems to be the million dollar question of the day, are you ok samantha? or are you just putting a mask on once again because you find yourself in a gray mood.  I want to be happy i really do, but just the thought of being happy for even one second makes me feel sick and discusted.

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