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new beginnings

A little foolish

Maybe I’m foolish for still feeling my heart sink a little when I see old pictures of us. I know it’s been months and I’ve finally moved on and let go of our failed fairytale, but I still find it hard to go and delete all those pictures off my social media.

This new guy is amazing and I know even you’d think he’s a great guy, but in certain aspects he will never be you, he will never know what it’s like to hold me while telling me his body is slowly shutting down. He will never push me away because his past will never disappear.

You were wonderful and I’ll always have a small place for you in my heart, but I cannot have you in my future.

So yes maybe I am foolish for feeling sad over pictures, but my heart is finally mended and able to love again.

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What do you gain?

Why do guys now a day, gain from telling a girl who they don’t know at all that they have a nice rack?

Do you really believe that’s something all girls like to hear? How would you feel if some random dude was telling your mom, or sister or even your future daughter the same thing. Would you be mad? Would you get up your seat to go teach that boy some respect towards women?

Don’t be that guy who makes women feel like they’re nothing more than a walking sexual object. We are more than just a pair of boobs, more than a big butt, and more than just something that get your blood pumping. We are the women who will help you reach your goals, who will one day carry your child.

So please quit making us just a sexual object that you like to stalk from time to time on social media. Be part of the generation that teaches girls that they are worth so much more than just a few nice words here and there from guys. Give those girls the value that they deserve.

Is it wrong?

Does it make you a doubtful person to look back at your boyfriends message from before y’all started dating and see how he was with other girls?

I know it really shouldn’t matter, but as I sit here in bed wishing I hadn’t looked at his phone I can’t help but feel scared yet again.

A Final Goodbye

Saying goodbye to the things we don’t want to let go off in life can be one of the hardest choices we have to make, but sometimes holding on to those things or those people can be more hurful than they can be loving.

I loved the time we had together and ill forever cherish the memories that we had the opportunity to create with one another, but moving on is the best thing for us to do.  I wish you nothing but the best in life and i hope that you can find someone to love you more than i was able to give you.

 

August

Anyone who has ever wanted to loose weight, or just feel better about themselves knows that we all hit bumbs down the road in where we find slim to none motivation or there seems to be no time available to hit the gym.

Although i keep reminding myself that im still young, I also try to remember that if I start healthy habits now its easier to keep going down the road. Those small changes that we give a bigger focus to when we’re younger have a greater pay out in the long run of the years.

Being a 22 year old in todays society, theres a lot of pressure to be “Fit” or to be close enough to fit the definitoin of what people think is attractive, and sadly no one will avtually fit those definitions without loosing sight of who they were before they listened to the opinions of others.  As much as im trying not to loose sight of why i started this fitness journey, i do find it hard to make myself wake up in the mornings, or drink water rather than drinks with sugar in it. Its so easy to forget that we cannot expect to loose the weight in one day when it certainly didn’t take us a day to gain them either.

Do not loose Hope, Do not hate yourself because you ate that cookie or because ypu skipped a workout, but DO remind yourself that you started this for yourself and not for society or this world

I am my own worst enemy

I’m sure i’m not the only one who can relate to the title on my blog today, but has anyone ever wondered  why we’re like that?

Why do we always bring ourselves down in the most harsh ways possible?

Why do we think we’re not good enough to deserve better?

It could be that we feel that we don’t deserve more than what we already have due to the fact that no one likes it when people think they’re better than everyone else. In my own opinion i hate to wonder of what others might think of how i am as a person. Am i mean? Do i seem like a selfish person? Have i ever inspired others to want to be a better person? or to motivate them to better their own life?

I hate you.. I love you..

I hate how even after months i still find myself loving every memory of you that crosses my mind. I wish my heart could just hear your name and continue to beat, i wish i could pretend that i no longer love you like i did not too long ago. Although part of my mind find itself dealing with a conflict as to if being friends with you is even a good idea, my heart keeps hoping that maybe one day things between us could get fixed.  Maybe its just this dumb silly idea that wont escape my mind from time to time, but i can’t be the one one who’s ever wondered who i’m meant to be with in the future.  As much as i wish i could say that you’re nothing more than just another guy with whom i share most of my heart warming memories with.. i would be lying to myself beyond believe.

I still think about you at nights, i still wonder if i ever cross your mind from time to time.. hoping that one day i can see your name across my phone again.. maybe by then you’re name will no longer hurt to hear, maybe then my hear will be healed.

I hate you… but i still love you Mr. Lane

Is this even worth it?

Have you ever reached a moment in life where you start to question every little aspect of your life? That point where you begging to wonder if certain choices have been worth it.

Lately I’ve come across people from the past who have given me the most ego boosting words of encouragement, yet it makes me feel a little empty on the inside of my soul. Their words began to make me wonder if i was doing these changes for all the right reasons, or if i was just doing them to gain the acceptance of society

In the last five months i know I’ve hit rock bottom in many ways, I’ve hated my body for the changes it did in the last year, i hated my myself for not being the same girl i was a two years ago. Then it hit me, life isn’t about dwelling over the part, it’s not about sitting on the floor feeling sorry for myself just because the numbers on the scale fluctuate like the numbers in the stock market.

Deciding that it was time to get off the pity wagon two months ago was the best choice i could have made since the new year started, I’ve fallen in love with my body, with my mind, and soul. Finally regaining my self confidence, falling in love with that sore feeling that you get after a hard workout. I know that this journey will be long, it will be filled with nights or mental debates about why i shouldn’t quit yet sticking to it will help me reach all my goals one step at a time

Fresh start

I’m sure we’ve all eventually been there, you know that moment in life in wich you seem to be pushed into new things in life.

No matter how much control we try to have over how things play out we will never have that full control.

I wish Icould say i didn’t see this coming sooner or later, just wishing things would have been laid out for me differently.

At times i look out the window while i’m driving arpund with my boyfriend and i can’t help but wonder how long will my happiness last, how long before something starts to slip put or place. But it’s a big relieve to see who has your back when things seem to go south.

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability but with the temptaion he will also provide the way of escape that you may be able to endure it.

No matter what ball life can throw at you, just remember its all happening for a reason.

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