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samanthavg

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its ok to not be ok

Unspoken thoughts

Why is it that we don’t have a hard time telling our friends and family when something good happens to us, yet when we feel like our world is slowly crashing down we tend to keep it bottled up?

We tend to act nicer to those who seems to have reached their absolute limit, but have we ever wondered how long they’ve been fighting their battle?

We sit there and cry and miss those who left so soon, but we also seem to always be busy to hear them out when they silently cried for help. We have the power to make a difference so why not actually act upon it.

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A little foolish

Maybe I’m foolish for still feeling my heart sink a little when I see old pictures of us. I know it’s been months and I’ve finally moved on and let go of our failed fairytale, but I still find it hard to go and delete all those pictures off my social media.

This new guy is amazing and I know even you’d think he’s a great guy, but in certain aspects he will never be you, he will never know what it’s like to hold me while telling me his body is slowly shutting down. He will never push me away because his past will never disappear.

You were wonderful and I’ll always have a small place for you in my heart, but I cannot have you in my future.

So yes maybe I am foolish for feeling sad over pictures, but my heart is finally mended and able to love again.

I am my own worst thoughts

My own thoughts about why things between us can’t be fixed keep me up at night, I find myself looking at my phone every few seconds hoping that maybe you’ll stop playing this game and choose to be with me once again.

We made this deal to just be friends, but can someone actually stay just friends with someone they once loved and still love? some day will I be able to look at you and not want to kiss you or look at you like some love strucked teen?

How I wish i could just rip you out of my heart and out of my thoughts.

I am my own worst enemy

I’m sure i’m not the only one who can relate to the title on my blog today, but has anyone ever wondered  why we’re like that?

Why do we always bring ourselves down in the most harsh ways possible?

Why do we think we’re not good enough to deserve better?

It could be that we feel that we don’t deserve more than what we already have due to the fact that no one likes it when people think they’re better than everyone else. In my own opinion i hate to wonder of what others might think of how i am as a person. Am i mean? Do i seem like a selfish person? Have i ever inspired others to want to be a better person? or to motivate them to better their own life?

Barely there

It’s only Monday afternoon and yet  i already find myself wanting to stay hidden under my bedroom covers.  Just the thinking about what workouts ill be doing tonight makes me want to hide in my closet and to somehow find a magical door that takes me into a whole new dimension.  I feel like my mind is batelling a million deamons all at once, my soul feels heave and gray.

I find myself looking into the bathroom mirror and practicing how to smile enought to avoid being asked if im ok? Hmm that seems to be the million dollar question of the day, are you ok samantha? or are you just putting a mask on once again because you find yourself in a gray mood.  I want to be happy i really do, but just the thought of being happy for even one second makes me feel sick and discusted.

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