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samanthavg

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gray colored days

I am my own worst thoughts

My own thoughts about why things between us can’t be fixed keep me up at night, I find myself looking at my phone every few seconds hoping that maybe you’ll stop playing this game and choose to be with me once again.

We made this deal to just be friends, but can someone actually stay just friends with someone they once loved and still love? some day will I be able to look at you and not want to kiss you or look at you like some love strucked teen?

How I wish i could just rip you out of my heart and out of my thoughts.

Barely there

It’s only Monday afternoon and yet  i already find myself wanting to stay hidden under my bedroom covers.  Just the thinking about what workouts ill be doing tonight makes me want to hide in my closet and to somehow find a magical door that takes me into a whole new dimension.  I feel like my mind is batelling a million deamons all at once, my soul feels heave and gray.

I find myself looking into the bathroom mirror and practicing how to smile enought to avoid being asked if im ok? Hmm that seems to be the million dollar question of the day, are you ok samantha? or are you just putting a mask on once again because you find yourself in a gray mood.  I want to be happy i really do, but just the thought of being happy for even one second makes me feel sick and discusted.

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