So last night after what seems like forever i had a date once again. He’s a super sweet guy.
Our date went a lot better than i could have expected. Everything seemed to be flowing smoothly between us, catching up on life after high school, college, majors, friends, you know life over all since we last talked.
Ever since things ended with my last boyfriend in March ive been scared to go on dates. Something about giving someone the power to destroy me once again seems super crucial now. Cheating on somoene who is giving you all their trust, just for it to be broken in the most heart breaking way is horrible. Cheating is never a mistake, its not something that can be easily forgotten or gotten over in a matter of seconds. For those who have been chated on they pain always remains with you. Onto your next relationship, although we never want to be that scared person who has trouble trusting again, until we have been shown time after timet that not everyone in this world is that shallow. We will have a hard time beign able to have a full trust with someone new.
Then theres the whole anxiety thing, will he look at me differently after he finds out? Will he still think im cute after he sees first hand how horrible my anxiety attacks can be? These constant fears fill my mind with a thousand questions. The same questions that slowly start to produce my anxiety attacks.
Biggets questions i ask myself every day, am i ready to care for someone again? but more than anything am i ready to accept that someone can actually care for me like i do for them?